Motherhood is not a hobby, Allah (SWT) chooses you for that task. How well you grow your children are things you should be preparing for when you have been blessed with children. The children you’ve been blessed with are an Amanah given to you by Allah. You will be held accountable for how well you brought them up.
I am a mother of three. And in everything I do, my life and activities revolve around these little humans. A fact worth noting is that the Job of Parenting starts with pregnancy.
The Motherhood Responsibility
“Every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock. The leader of people is a guardian and is responsible for his subjects. A man is the guardian of his family and he is responsible for them. A woman is the guardian of her husband’s home and his children and she is responsible for them. The servant of a man is a guardian of the property of his master and he is responsible for it. No doubt, every one of you is a shepherd and is responsible for his flock.”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 6719, & Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1829.
This goes for both the mother and the father. But since in most cases as mothers we spend more time with the children, that is why I’m using motherhood. As parents, Allah SWT is going to judge us for how well we took care of the child/children He blessed us with.
Protect your family
Allah Azzawajal says in surah At-Tahreem verse 6:
يَا أَيُّهَا الَّذِينَ آمَنُوا قُوا أَنفُسَكُمْ وَأَهْلِيكُمْ نَارًا وَقُودُهَا النَّاسُ وَالْحِجَارَةُ عَلَيْهَا مَلَائِكَةٌ غِلَاظٌ شِدَادٌ لَّا يَعْصُونَ اللَّهَ مَا أَمَرَهُمْ وَيَفْعَلُونَ مَا يُؤْمَرُونَ
“ O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.”
– Surah At-Tahreem Verse 6
Protecting yourself connotes refraining from committing sins and resisting yourself against your desires. Protecting your family indicates you are fostering and educating them. To enjoin the good and forbid the evil. Over and above you have to prepare a pure family environment for them.
It is our job to make sure they become hard-working. Productive, well-mannered, kind, friends to humanity, loving, bold, just, wise, righteous, noble, faithful, dutiful, educated, and most importantly, God-fearing individuals who will be an asset to the Ummah.
The Concept of Tarbiya(upbringing) in Islam
Just like a gardener when he plants a seed, he sees to make sure it grows in a good environment. Getting rid of all the weeds, Nurturing that seed until it grows into a beautiful flower.
This becomes your condition, when you’ve been blessed with that child. The weeds can be anything from the environment that could hurt that child, that could affect their development and many more.
And if you are this parent trying your best but your children are still going Astray. Don’t lose hope keep praying, and striving. Make du’a constantly Allah sees your effort and will surely reward you. May Allah make it easy for you.
Children are born pure
“No child is born except on Al-fitrah (Islamic or primordial nature) then his parents make him Jewish, Christian, or Magian, as an animal produces a perfect young animal: do you see any of its body amputated?”
Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim
no child has any intention of doing wrong. What our children are exposed to at this initial stage affects them. And has an impact on their lives. Because it begins to shape their personality.
If you see them do something wrong or very bad, thoroughly investigate and find the root cause as soon as possible. Because at that stage they are only imitating or applying what they see, hear, feel, or learn from the environment. And treat whatever the issue was. To avoid future occurances.
Children are a test for you
ٱلْمَالُ وَٱلْبَنُونَ زِينَةُ ٱلْحَيَوٰةِ ٱلدُّنْيَا ۖ وَٱلْبَـٰقِيَـٰتُ ٱلصَّـٰلِحَـٰتُ خَيْرٌ عِندَ رَبِّكَ ثَوَابًۭا وَخَيْرٌ أَمَلًۭا ٤٦
Wealth and children are the adornment of this worldly life, but the everlasting good deeds are far better with your Lord in reward and in hope.
-Surah Al-khaf Verse 46
From this ayah, it is clear to us that those children we’ve been blessed with are a test for us from Allah. And concerning our children, these tests come in so many ways. It could be a physically or mentally challenged child. At times as parents, we do things like:
- Overlooking the Shariah out of love for our children.
- Example: Finding it difficult to wake their kids for fajr salah, because they don’t want to interrupt their sleep.
- Some of us neglect Salah, Quran Recitation, and other good deeds because we are busy with the children.
When you make your children instead of your DEEN your ultimate focus and your purpose in life, then you are clearly on the wrong path. Never overlook or go blind over the matters of the Deen out of love for your children. There is a need to strike a balance.
You are a Role Model
You are your child/children’s first role model. Because when children are young, they are still in the process of learning what is right and what is wrong. And the correct way to behave in their environment.
So, It is now your responsibility as a parent to teach the child how to do this. How to choose his environment and decide which type of people to fill that environment with so that they can continue to do what is good and pure.
They will always look up to you and imitate everything you do right from childhood. so the key is: You would have to be what you want your children to be because they learn from you first. And they learn by doing not what you say.
You cannot be Preaching that lying is a sin and then you keep lying in their presence. If you find any undesired behavior in your child, check if you, your husband, or the other people around the child have acted similarly in front of the child. And correct it.
Motherhood is an Institution
The child is new to the world so he does not yet know what to do. He has an innate nature to be good, but it needs to be nurtured. And you as his parents are charged with this responsibility to lead, guide, and take care of him.
If left alone, the child could go either way depending on who he meets and interacts with. But if you take your responsibility seriously to ensure he grows on al-Fitr and obeys Allah (SWT) and His Messenger (SAW) then he will very likely continue to do what is good and pure.
The Messenger of Allah (ﷺ) said: When a man dies, his action discontinues from him except three things, namely, perpetual Sadaqah (charity), or the knowledge by which benefit is acquainted, or a pious child who prays for him.
-Sunan Abu Dawud
This should be a motivation for you to invest well in your child’s upbringing. May Allah ease your tasks for you, and don’t forget to constantly make Du’a for Allah to help you. Because this is not something you do for a day this is a continuous journey So ask for Allah’s help and guidance.
How has motherhood been for you so far? Do you need any help or advice? Let’s interact in the comment section below, I would like to hear from you.